Australia, WA, 6157
31 March 2011
Dear Mr Nivea,
Potential Advertisement for your Product
I write in relation to you recent campaign of advertisements for your various skin moistening products. I would firstly like to commend you on the great effort that your advertising agency went to in scripting and piecing together these sales masterpieces.
I especially like the one where someone feels healthier and younger and more confident from using your products. Isn’t that great! I think so, and so does the general public. Many of my friends have recently said to me in conversation, ‘Wow Michael, have you seen those new Nivea adds, aren’t they just super dooper!’
Respectfully, these shitty adds leave everyone wanting more and I have a much better idea. Please find as follows:
1. Australian Man add:
Australian man wearing a big aussie hat with corks on it (that’s what we like to do, we call it a corkie and it is where the term, ‘to have a corker’ came from, which means to find a wild rabbit, I think) also he is wearing something that builders that do work on farms would wear, and boots and little shorts, we call them stubbies. He is kneeling down with one hand on the aussie dessert and looks up to the camera (you don’t say this part)
“Australia, the sunburnt country, look at this cracked earth” - slow and all Australian-y
Then what the guy does is that he has a glass of water with him (next to him in the desert, thats funny), and he gets all the water and he pours it over the cracked earth. If you are from Australia, WHICH YOU ARE NOT (like Vegemite or Tazos (not Taz, he is a cartoon character)), you would know what I am talking about.
“ See, nothing, doesn’t even seep in, PAUSE (people here are like, wow, what is all this about, I love Australians (even Australians would say this), look it just turns into a dangerous snake” - accents on the funny bits.
During that dialogue bit (I guess it is a monologue, but you don’t need to think about these things, you should keep doing what you do best which is makes trucks) the camera has panned from the water on the ground to his face and when he says dangerous snake he lifts his hands into view of the camera (not seen by the public, the camera that is) and he is holding a scary snake (this can actually be a dangerous snake if you want to, or just one that looks all dangerous because it is red or something, like frogs)
Then he puts the snake into a snake bag and it disappears upwards on screen (like magic, symbolism, but really using some rope you can edit out)
“That’s why I use Nivea body lotion”
Where the glass used to be where he put it down there is now a bottle of Nivea (that’s you). As he is saying this he pours in on his hands and rubs it in. “Ahhh yeah”
then he starts pours it on the earth and starts to rub it in with a quirky and quizzical look on his face.
Then it zooms out as he is still rubbing it in and into it looks like the desert but as it zooms out it is really a really hot babe wearing a smoking bikini laying in the sun and she is really sexy.
Also the guy talks with an aussie accent the whole time!
So what do you think about the things that I wrote? It is pretty simple and effective for a 1 shot (or you might say 1 take) add. The recent trend of adds asks for something clever rather than something boring and informative. Take the trend on Youtube with adds being prior to videos, the usual consumer of Youtube will not watch something that is boring, but probably would with something quirky. Everyone loves a meme!! Also it ends with a smoking hot babe in a bikini, which is pretty cool.
This idea is mine and you are not allowed to appropriate any portion of it or use it as a derivative for any other add campaign for yourself including to all subsidiary companies you may have an interest in. This has been expressed to you for the purpose of a potential business arrangements and all interests designs, ideas and works remain and vest in the writer. Any use of this idea may constitute a breach of copyright and action will be taken to the full extent the law provides.
This idea, if not responded to within 21 days will then be passed onto other companies of a similar product to yours. It has not been written for your benefit, but you have an opportunity use these ideas should a business arrangement be entered into.
Should you wish to discuss the use of this add, or others I have made in a similar series, please contact me on firstname.lastname@example.org which is an email address I made in 1998 when I was a child but I still use it even though I am now an adult.
So yeah, get back to me with how many cash dollars you would like to give me for this idea or for further ideas. I am not an idiot.
About me (just so you know):
I am a comedian and improviser from Australia having performed at WA Comedy Festival, Melbourne International Comedy Festival, Sydney Comedy Festival and Edinburgh Comedy Festival.
I am pretty cool and this guy who is also really cool told me on Facebook recently that I am cool, so it is vouched.